Biology…Or Bad Luck

It seems like as soon as we get our first period we’re scared by teachers and parents to

“Keep our legs closed for goodness sake, or a baby will pop outta there!!!”

However, that’s just not my experience. At all.

Back in the day Josh and I used to laugh that we were way too immature to start thinking about having a baby. I always assumed that when we decided to go for it, it was just a matter of biology, so, easy peasy right!? It took me quite a few months, well, maybe even close to a year to really start thinking that there might… actually ….be something wrong here.

Annoying!

At first, it was just annoying. Then, stressful. And we know I’m not that person to go to the doctor to see if anything is wrong, or if anyone can help. This is such a terribly lonely approach guys. Don’t be like me, there are so many things that you can do so you’re not going through this alone.

Letting my sister in on things was such a huge help. There was someone who saw me every day at work and who understood the random tears and outburst. She had recently gotten pregnant, and we thought it would be so special to have kids around the same age. As the months kept ticking by, she finally took matters into her own hands and made me an appointment with my OB. Thanks goodness for bossy little sisters!!

This was such a scary step for me because it was almost like admitting there was a problem. Which to me, felt very shameful. I think that’s also a big reason I kept things so close to the vest, I thought, this should be an easy thing to do, and my body just wouldn’t cooperate. Teenagers were able to do this without even trying! In fact, I started to hear phrases like that all the time…

“Can you believe we’re pregnant!? We weren’t even trying!”

Cut to me internally dying while trying to keep my face from giving away the plot. In fact, during the time we were trying for one pregnancy my sister had her first son and got pregnant with her second. Talk about a tough day. A co-worker had her first daughter, and then, “Oops, we got preggers again! “

This is such a hard thing to witness when you’re dealing with infertility. It feels like literally everyone around you is quite easily and rapidly getting pregnant. It got so bad that it was affecting my moods, my work, and my relationships.

I was working at a veterinary dermatology clinic at the time, and it got so bad that there were times when a pregnant client would come in and I would be reduced to tears. Thankfully my sister worked with me, and she would step in and take those clients so I could get my emotions under control.

I just couldn’t continue living this way. It was time to change things up.

Talk soon,