After months of trying to get to the bottom of my infertility with no answers, you would think being able to point to a particular thing as being “wrong” would give me a bit of relief….

Instead, it just added another layer of confusion.

When my OB recommended an endoscopy, I was excited.  It felt like we were making progress.  Tracking everything for months with my cycles and taking Chlomid all felt very passive and wasn’t giving me the answers I was so desperately looking for.  I wanted to move forward and DO something!!

I met with another doctor who would do the actual procedure, and let me tell you, she had the bedside manner of a lizard.  I felt like she was looking THROUGH me, not really seeing me as a person at all or hearing anything I had to say.  She left me feeling cold and uncomfortable.  I remember telling my sister that the doctor was trying to steal my soul with her weird gaze!

THE ENDOSCOPY/PROCEDURE

I don’t remember anything from the actual procedure since I was under anesthesia.  I woke up after a quick nap and had three very small incisions on my stomach.  One lower down on the right side of my pelvis, one further over on the right side of my abdomen, and one hidden in my belly button.

All told, it wasn’t a bad experience.  I felt fine when I woke up and wasn’t even really sore!  Go figure!

After I was back in the real world and the anesthetic had worn off, they showed me photos of where they found excess tissue outside the womb.  They had collected it from three different areas and confirmed my endometriosis diagnosis.

I didn’t know how endometriosis related to infertility. 

• What did it mean?
• Would it be easy to get pregnant now that they had removed the tissue?
• Was this just an added layer to WHY it wasn’t easy for me, but didn’t really help things at all?

The doctor didn’t take the time to explain much to me, but here is a good article from UCLA Health that explains how endometriosis can affect fertility.

https://www.uclahealth.org/news/article/how-endometriosis-impacts-fertility.

THE NEXT STEP

With the goal of getting pregnant, my Doctor suggested getting an injection that would basically put me into menopause for 3 months (#SOUNDSLIKEFUN!) – sort of like a reset for my system.  So, 3 months of not being able to even TRY to get pregnant.  You know that thing people say to couples struggling, “At least the trying is the fun part!”…let me tell you from experience, there comes a time when even THAT isn’t so fun anymore.

Three months felt like an eternity.  It was a big, long, hard, juicy…No.

That clock was SO loud, just tick, tick, ticking away.  3 months felt like forever, and I just wasn’t willing to lose that time.  It’s funny because when I started chemo several years later, I was given those shots monthly. Strange how things work out isn’t it??

Ultimately, I thanked her for her time and the information.  I quickly went back to my OB and asked what our other options were.

This was a sad day for me.

If I was unwilling to go through with the shots to put me into menopause, we had reached the limit of what I could do with my OB.

She suggested we try a fertility clinic.

Now, in my mind, going to a fertility clinic was out of the question.  I assumed the only other option was IVF which I knew was thousands and thousands of dollars.  It wasn’t a viable option for us.  We were struggling actors…the Joshinator was doing real estate and Voice Over, I was working full time at a vet clinic until more gigs came in.  We just didn’t make the kind of money where this was a possibility.

At this point, I though our dream of having a baby was over.  It was a bitter pill, one that I ultimately couldn’t swallow.  There had to be a way, and we were going to find it!

Talk soon,

H